blog for change

“this is my letter to the world..”
( ..emily dickinson, of course)


why now?

i feel like a 30-something girl in an older-something body
my children are growing/grown up and i am a new grandma
but i still feel young, still open to the world.

i can ride a bike uphill and yoga refreshes me
i can dance like it’s the sixties
i feel the rage in punk music

the public self and private self
are not well-reconciled.

i am well-trained
i can smile on command
or in any dire situation

i can take charge of emergencies
but fail to comprehend subtle social cues
or even obvious ones.

i am naive and believe things people say;
you can tell me a story and i’ll believe you.

7 days ago my mother died.
this has been a year of trauma,
physical as well as emotional injury.

i don’t want my kids to worry about me
i can take care of myself, mostly, except i overwork.
i can’t sit still, have to move, have to work, have to go go go..

only when i paint, i can be still, i can focus
my pictures say more than i can write
and say it more truthfully
tho coded, like dreams

sometimes, often, i don’t realize what they are about
til long after. like the mermaid diving to the bottom of the sea.

so this is my blog,
a public private place
like a poem.